Going home.....

After a month in the hospital, only getting out of my room a couple of times, meant I was ready for some fresh air.  Imagine not being able to breath outside, real, air for 4 straight weeks.  Yeah doesnt sound great does it.  Then again if you look on the brightside, it's going to feel that much better when you do.  It was, oh was it great.

The day I got to leave the hospital was great, I had been "locked" away for an entire month and I was ready for some real air.  It was a little scary at first, I mean I had gotten to know the hospital as home, I had a routine of sorts down, I'd take my drug's at this time and that time, I'd eat this for breakfast, I'd see this person in the morning when i woke up, and this person when I finally fell asleep at 5am.  I knew I was still sick and had a long road ahead of me.  I knew at the hospital I was getting better and I was safe, there was always someone there for me at the click of a button, litteraly.  I knew if I ever felt off, sick, or wanted good drugs I could just press my trusty button and within minutes someone would come running, who is trained in this sort of thing, so I knew I was in great hands.  So leaving was a little scary, I knew going home was going to be great, but what if I got sick, or something happened, what then?  I had a lot of questions, none of which I asked because I just wanted to get out.  So saying goodbye to my new friends was a little tough, knowing very well I would see them again in a couple weeks for another two week stint in the "clink" it was still hard saying goodbye to people that I had grown so fond of. 

With my goodbye's said, it was time to take that breath, I was with my sisters Amy and Gina and a good buddy of mine, Hooper.  They walked me out and they can attest to it, I walked out the door, stopped in the parking lot and breathed, for about five minutes, breath after breath, in the fridgid cold, I tried to take it all in, for as long as I could before it was too cold to bear.  Noone said anything, Amy, Gina, and Hooper knew what was going on, my first breath in a month, it was something else. 

I had been in the hospital for awhile and I didnt have a radio, as some of you know i'm kindof a music conusor, or at least I like to think so.  I hadnt listened to music in a month, the only music I got was from the guests on late night television.  Too say the least I was excited to listen to the radio, get back into the mainstream music world.  I cant remember what the first song I heard was, but I know I liked it.  It didnt matter what it was, I liked it.  Music is such a powerful thing, it cures so many thing's.  I dont know what it is about music, but it's so good for everything, no matter what mood your in, listening to music, any music, makes that mood so much better.  You should listen to music everyday, just sit and listen to music.  You can thank me later. 

The drive home was shorter than I had remembered it, considering the ride up there I was basically going to find out whether or not my life would take a drastic turn or not.  I dont remember saying much, just listened to the radio, talked to Gina a little bit, but not much was said, to be honest there really was'nt anything to talk about, I was going home and this is what I wanted for the past couple weeks.  After 20 minutes or so I got over leaving the hospital, shit I was going back in a couple weeks anyways, the hospital was going to miss me more than I was going to miss it.  Words couldnt express my excitement, I just remember looking out the window thinking to myself, well I've made it this far, cant look back now, can only look forward, this is what I was dealt, just have to go with it. 

When we finally pulled into Northfield I starting remembering all of the good time's I had there, from the stupid things I did when I was in high school to the more recent memories of the legendary summer I just had, and for a second about a month prior I didnt know if I was going to live for another month.  We got closer and closer to home and I knew things were going to be just fine, no more worrying, I was just exctied to be home.  We finally made it, we pulled in the driveway, turned the car off, and I just sat there for a couple seconds, I'm just trying to take everything in, I had been away from home for an entire month, i've never been away from home for that long, I mean christ my mom still does my laundry.  When I walked in the door and my parents were there, my cat was there, and I knew it was'nt going to be easy but I could do this, I could beat this. 

Right then I knew, I was finally home.......