Financial Burden Ramblings..........

I’m back, sorry I’ve been away for so long, got caught up in other things and whatnot.


Something that eats at me often is the financial burden that is put on someone that is in my place. Someone who is very ill, and having to pay a bunch of bills, but still told that they can’t work, by those very people that they are paying. Don’t get me wrong I love and am so thankful everyday for every doctor I have encountered through this process, without them I wouldn’t be here today.

Some of you already know that on Tuesday the 16th of February, I got the ok to resume my everyday life again, with a few exceptions. I can’t drink until I see a liver doctor, who I see next Tuesday, and I can’t go back to my old job. I get it, my immune system isn’t what it once was and won’t be for awhile, but when you say I can resume my normal life, well you don’t really mean that, because with my normal life, I wouldn’t have limitations on where I can work and what I can drink, I’m ok with the drinking part just not the working part.

Right who wants to work anyways, if you don’t have too why would you, well for the longest time now, since last march, I haven’t been able to work, we are going on a year, that’s a long time to go without making any money. Now that I’m healthy and able to resume my life again, I can’t. I don’t have any money to do anything, I can’t even pay my own rent, or any of my bills for that matter, and you know how depressing that is. It’s funny how awesome you can feel one day, because the day you’ve been waiting for, for over a year as come, you can return to normalcy, and how fast you come back down off of that cloud, back to reality, took me two days. Reality sucks. Right I get it my health is the most important part of all of this, but the financial burden that has now fallen upon me is so overwhelming at times that its almost just as hard to deal with as being sick. I’m broke as a joke, and I’m not one that likes to ask for help, I actually hate it, I’m 25 I should be able to do things myself, you’re right I’ve been through some shit, that’s no excuse, I blame myself, maybe if I would have worked while I was in college more, or in high school I would have more money saved so that I would never be in the corner I am in now. A lot of what if’s, and that’s really all I have, what if I win the lottery or mega millions, that would be awesome, then I could really start my life, I would still get a job, I just wouldn’t have the burden of not being poor. I’m grateful for my friends and family who have helped me out throughout all of this, who knows where I would be now without them, but they are people too, with their own bills, own worries, they don’t need to be helping me, and it sucks to have to put your friends in family in that spot. I don’t like it one bit.

Apparently there are a lot of other things that come along with getting cancer, things that I never would have thought, but here they are, I’m living with them on a daily basis, I was asked by some friends if I could go out for some wings and I had to stop and I still am thinking about whether or not I can afford to spend 5 dollars on some wings, because I don’t know if it is financially alright for me to be doing so, but I will I’m a real sucker for wings, ha.

On a lighter note and a more up-beat side of things I started coaching again on Tuesday, it’s GREAT. I needed them as much as they needed me; I can’t express in words how great it is to be back. Although I don’t get paid for it. Ha-ha always comes back to that. Damn it.



Anyways, this is just a rambling of things on my mind, I was thinking about them on my walk, and I figured I’d write a blog about it. In all seriousness if anyone out there knows someone who knows someone who knows someone that has some sort of office work that I could do it would be great to hear about and see if something couldn’t work out.

That’s all the sour ramblings I have for now, everyone have a great day, it’s nice out, and spring is near.

Keep your head up.